


Decisions & Heartbeats

by Airmid



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brotherly Affection, Episode: s05e19 Hammer of the Gods, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Slash, Protective Lucifer, Protective Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:08:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28035924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Airmid/pseuds/Airmid
Summary: The fact that he woke up is troubling, or would be troubling enough as it is. Where he woke up is an entirely different matter.
Relationships: Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Lucifer & Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 67





	Decisions & Heartbeats

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote this a few years ago, rediscovered it, and edited it. Hope you enjoy it - it takes place during Hammer of the Gods.

* * *

There’s a movement behind him seconds before the blade pierces his grace, something that shouldn’t be there but he’s too busy being wiped from existence. Vaguely aware of screaming, the searing blind pain that comes from being torn apart piece by piece, but there are arms around him.

The last thing he manages to think of before the agony overtakes him and he’s about to shatter is that perhaps Dad cared enough to say goodbye.

* * *

Waking up isn’t something he should ever be doing. Sure trance-like stupors to heal but not this. It’s like floating in a black sea of an unknowable infinity and he’s really starting to question his existence if he’s going to get all poetic at this point in his over-long life. Or afterlife. Whatever.

There’s a warm hum near him and as awareness opens up more and more he finds it familiar and drifts closer to it in whatever sanity-bending place he’s dwelling in. Leave it to Dad to have some kind of mind trip afterlife for angels. Or at least ones that decided that being a pagan god was a good career choice.

He reaches out with his grace which is shot all to hell but still operational and he starts to suspect he’s not quite dead but close. Super close, as in danced on the line provocatively and he owes Death a snack kind of close. That warmth he’s curled around is a soul, one he knows or at least should if he wasn’t such a smear.

Dear Dad, how did he end up inside Sam Winchester?

That thought shocks him back more towards the waking world and that should not be a thing for an archangel. He’s timeless, he doesn’t do unconscious mess but here he is, curled up on Sam’s soul like it’s the world’s fluffiest pillow. Not that he hasn’t wanted to touch before but –

Nope, nope not going there. Not the time to indulge and he reels himself back in to keep from groping the poor kid that somehow managed to swallow up an archangel like a breath of air. The human is enormous and all but that didn’t explain how he managed to get him in here. What with the whole dying thing he was apparently in the middle of when it happened.

What had happened?

Gabriel finally realizes that perhaps answers might be better sought if he figures out what the human is doing right now, instead of staring at his soul like a lovesick puppy. Which he definitely cannot afford to be given who stabbed him which would mean Sam might be around his dick brother.

 _Please, Sam, tell me you didn’t make a deal to save me_ he thinks and draws his tattered grace in, pushing up to feel more of Sam’s body. He can see they’re in a room much nicer than what the boys normally stay in and Gabriel is relieved at that. If he’s going to be dwelling here for a while then his vessel better have good sheets. Especially Sam, he deserves soft things against –

Nope, can’t do that right now. He settles a bit and finds he can feel and see and taste the air drawing in and out of Sam’s lungs and it feels good to have that movement of life. But he can’t go past this point like something’s blocking him and the giant he’s stuck in should not have that much control.

Sam’s lips are moving and he hears him telling someone in the room that Gabriel’s aware more and he feels a grace nearby. At first, he assumes it’s Castiel, the little angel that could but probably shouldn’t.

No, no that grace shouldn’t be with them and he starts feeling panic when he sees his brother come into view, sitting on the bed by Sam like he belongs there. They have to get out, get away before something happens to Sam since he didn’t almost die to lose him now. This can’t be how it ends. He’s not worth the world for Sam to make some kind of asinine deal over, not to save him when he squandered too many chances as it is.

“Gabriel,” and he realizes Sam is speaking out loud to him, probably because in his hysteria he wasn’t paying attention to anything else. “Calm down, we’re safe.”

_We’re not safe! We have to get out of here. I can get us out, Sam we have to run. We can’t stay here._

Yeah, definitely full panic mode and it’s undignified for an archangel but it doesn’t matter because all that matters is Sam and getting him safe.

“Little one,” he hears his brother start and he wants to curl up, get back farther but there’s nowhere to go, not now that he can’t control the body he’s in.

“He’s panicking,” he hears Sam say, and Gabriel curbs a ‘no shit, Sherlock’ before his vessel gets wind of it.

“He’ll be calmer if I leave for a while.”

There’s a surge of compassion but it’s going towards his dickhead brother who Gabriel right now wants to remind Sam stabbed him. Lucifer stabbed him, he remembers that thank you very much, so logic dictates they should be on the other side of the universe. Not sitting here feeling bad for an attempted angel murderer.

“Make sure to eat, Sam. I’ll give an update to Castiel on my way to try again.”

“Okay, Luci.”

No, no this cannot be happening. How long was he drifting around in here before he snapped back to a thinking creature? They’re acting almost domesticated and there are so many things wrong with his human and the devil acting like their keeping house. Well not his human, but a human he has a special fondness for and should have a raging brother kicking the door down for him.

Those giant dopey eyes always were too trusting, that’s how he ended up with Ruby after all.

He hears Lucifer say something then, the old language rough and imperfect coming from his vessel’s mouth but he stills when he hears it as it’s clear all the same. Those words, he never expected to hear those words from any of his brothers, but especially not this one.

Not from the one who stabbed him

 _Heylel._ He reaches out despite himself, but that grace is gone and it’s just him and Sam sharing a clubhouse.

“Gabriel?”

_Yeah, Sasquatch, still here._

“It’s alright. Everything is going to be okay so just stay calm.”

_Hell no, don’t tell me it’s alright. I didn’t do this just so you could get cuddly up with my homicidal brother._

“It’s not what you think. I swear, I didn’t make a deal for you. It was the only way to save you and your vessel’s a bit toast. Luci’s working on getting it back alive for you.”

_Wait, my stab happy brother is helping? Sam, what did you promise? Please tell me you didn’t promise him anything I can’t –_

“Gabriel,” and there’s patience in that voice. “Nothing was promised, okay? Nothing. I couldn’t get to you in time, well not enough to keep us from getting stabbed. I tried to take it for you.”

That memory before all that pain, of arms around him and –

_Where the hell was your brother to stop you from doing something so profoundly stupid?_

“I had Kali take him. Surprisingly, she was on board with the ‘save the dumbass angel plan’. Dean not so much and not looking forward to that talk.”

Gabriel can feel Sam grimace and why can’t he push past the boundaries that are suddenly here? It feels like he's in a fenced-in yard, being told where he can play and this has never happened before.

“Luci taught me about controlling you. We figured you’d be a bit freaked and try to run with me.”

_I don’t know why, Sam. I mean he only stabbed us to make us bosom buddies with a reaper. Wait, he taught you to control me?_

“Yeah, said you’d still be strong even ripped up as you are.”

What in the name of Dad is going on? Lucifer taught a human to control an angel. Not just any human but one that is destined to be his vessel and can turn around and use the same tricks against him.

Gabriel decides that he is unfavorable to the whole not knowing or understanding of things happening right now.

_Sam, back up. Tell me what happened._

“Well, you decided to do something brave for reasons I can’t pretend to understand. You sent us with Kali but we were leaving and it hit me you were going to die.”

_Thanks for your faith in my fighting skills._

“I was right.”

 _Not the point,_ and he tries to sound as annoyed as he felt. Doesn’t matter that it's true, he doesn’t want to be outted by this human who decided he needed to be saved like some damsel from a dragon.

Though normally, after saving said damsel, the rescuing hero didn’t usually set up shop with the dragon and play card games to pass the time.

_Skipping over that. What next?_

“Kali and I stared at each other and she seemed to understand. Told me she was taking my brother and made threats about not failing. Dean was, well, is still pissed about that.”

_You’d think he’d be all for being manhandled by a hot goddess._

“I know right? He’s still all ‘Sammy, hot pagan chick does not make up for saving douchebag archangel’. Seriously, we’re all alive so you’d think he’d be a little happy that –”

_Sam._

“Oh right, yeah sorry.”

Geez, this kid can ramble when he's nervous and Gabriel can feel it more and more as they get to the part that explained all this. Never a good omen, not that there are good omens, outside of that one book that he still enjoyed as a secret guilty pleasure he told no one about.

_He’s just worried, for obvious reasons, apparently feeling all the worry you should be feeling right now being besties with Satan._

“I know. I know it looks really bad, like I wandered off into evil, especially after...” Sam pauses, taking a breath and his distress is growing more evident. “I just can’t do a whole lot about that right this second.”

Gabriel feels for the kid and decides for the future he’d run older brother interference so the two could talk with their productive words instead of the shout-y, angry ones. Dean Winchester is a lot of things, but waylaying his little brother out in the cold, archangel inside or not, is not something he could ever see happening. Declaring war and blowing things up to get Sam back, yes, giving up, not so much.

They need to get this back on track as Dean’s going to be a whole other problem down the line.

_So, then what?_

“I, uh, do remember hearing Luci tell you he didn’t want to stab you, and you claiming no one makes us do anything. Then I somehow got myself between him and you right when he was moving to –“

Sam’s voice trails off here and he fiddles with the comforter. Gabriel can feel it through those giant paws and has no idea what to say. If he still had a mouth of his own he knows it would be gaped open and he would probably be making some half-crazed choked sob.

_Why? I don’t understand why you would attempt to take a blade for me._

“So, anyways,” Sam says, avoiding that question, and Gabriel knows avoidance like an old friend and wonders what it’s hiding. “He has a hell of a swing, apparently. It went through me and still into your heart but not by tons. I just held on to you and I remember him being confused and yelling for me. I don’t remember a lot, just fragments after that point for a while.”

_Did Luci fill you in on any important points? Ya know, like how I ended up alive._

Sam's staring at a wall and Gabriel's thrilled it's a nice hotel so there aren’t random stains that would make him question sanitary conditions, especially if Sam was recently injured. Those giant paws pick up food from a nearby end table and he watches in fascination as Sam mixes a salad, seemingly to try and focus himself.

This would be so much easier if the kid would just let him all the way in to see his memories but that didn’t seem to be happening anytime soon.

“I told him to save you and wouldn’t let you go,” Sam’s soft voice breaks their silence and Gabriel’s ruminations on why he would never willingly eat lettuce again.

_You wouldn’t let me go? Is that a ‘wouldn’t let you go because we had a sword impaling us’ or something else, Sam?_

“He fixed me so I wouldn’t die immediately and managed to stop you from unraveling,” Sam keeps going and Gabriel has to admire how well he ignores things. Dean's a better teacher than he gave credit to. “You were in bad shape and needed a way to heal fast so we stuck you in me to use my soul.”

_Sammy…_

That’s why he was all curled up like that, well as curled up as a being of amazing cosmic powers can be. Souls are batteries and the kid willing gave himself over.

“Luci stayed with me, making sure you didn’t suck up energy too fast at first till you stabilized and we knew we had you. Then he went and found Cas, and, wow, that was a fun visit.”

_I bet. You, the devil, another archangel in you, all in one room. Bet his eyes popped out._

“I thought he was going to pass out,” Sam snickers. “Though, I do feel kind of bad because apparently, Luci sprung him from a hospital.”

Making mental notes for the future as to why Castiel needed a hospital, to begin with, he decides they need to stay on track for the current crisis.

_I’m assuming your brother doesn’t know exactly where you are._

“Yeah, because telling Dean that would be a good idea. I called him as soon as I could and he freaked. We used Cas to try to get him to at least understand I was alive.”

They are quiet for a moment and Gabriel relishes the way Sam enjoys his salad, even if it isn’t what he would be sticking in his mouth at this point. He stretches but stops trying to push past the fences up, giving the kid a break. His grace is repairing faster and it still hurts but the pain is like a glowing ember instead of red fiery agony. Something he can deal with.

“What did Luci tell you before he left?”

Gabriel has no idea if his brother wanted Sam to know or not what had been said. No way to know right now if it's true because if it was that might well push him over the edge of how he saw the world and whether or not he was actually alive.

_There’s no good translation._

Sam sighs. “When I asked why he saved both of us he told me that what I did reminded him of what he was.” A small laugh. “He claimed he didn’t want a human showing him up.”

Gabriel tries not to think of his brother looking at him, feeling the concern and sorrow and grief before he left them. Those things he hasn’t seen for so long in him, all those spaces had once been filled with rage and pain, even before the cage. Somehow though they had been pushed aside because of Sam.

For what Sam did.

 _It was a vow, Sam,_ he's telling the human, the human he very much wants to be his before he can stop himself.

“A vow? Is that good or bad?” and he can feel that big forehead furrow.

_I’ll make you a deal. You tell me why you saved me and I’ll tell you what it means._

“Of course you want to know that.”

_Well yeah, it’s the good part._

“Promise no teasing, or getting angry?”

_Why would I get angry? Are you planning to sell me to an angel slavery ring?_

Nervousness flutters up inside him, those secrets still out of reach and he wants to know.

“God no, nothing like that. It’s just that, I know you and this is something you would have a hay day with at my expense.”

_I promise on my grace I will not do that._

A few more minutes pass and Gabriel is sure that he isn’t going to get any kind of answer which is frustrating his boundless curiosity Dad thought proper to give him when one of those fences came down. Investigating he is overwhelmed, Sam’s presence whispering to him.

Gabriel’s confused for a moment before he realizes that he’s feeling what Sam did when he took that blade. That’s what had been going through the kid’s mind? Sure there’s some anger there but protecting him? And love is in there. Small, teeny tiny, but growing and he doesn’t understand how that could be at all.

Not that he would ever admit that he couldn’t take Sam begging for the life of his brother in that time loop, getting to stare past all that rage right into sorrow, something he thought long since dead in Lucifer. And Sam, how long had Sam been fostering this? If he’d known…well, no, he’d have done the same thing because he’d been angry they failed and what little remnants of his family he had left had an expiration stamped firmly on them.

Guilt hasn’t been his strong suit but he’s feeling it now.

“Pathetic, isn’t it?” came Sam’s voice drawing him out of his trance at all of that.

_I don’t know what to say but I know it is the polar opposite of pathetic._

He’s pretty sure Sam has a look on his face that if he could see it would be screaming ‘we felt the same thing, right?’

_Hey kiddo, what do you say when I get a body again, well at least one that won’t blind you, we go have lunch?_

“Are – are you asking me out on a date?” Sam is stunned but there’s hope there in his voice.

 _Yeah, unless you get sick of me while I’m in here._ Gabriel can’t believe he’s nervous, afraid of a human rejecting him. The kid took a blade for him and gave him back his existence after everything. But he wants this and even through his self-denial, he knows how much he wants this like he hasn’t wanted anything for a very long time.

“Alright. What do angels do on dates?”

_Well, Cas would probably just stare at you. I on the other hand will make sure you get enough food for that giant frame you call a body._

Sam laughs at that and it is so pleasing to hear, Gabriel wants to hear more of it.

“So, your turn. What did he say?”

_It really is hard to translate, Sambo. Closest thing I can get to is ‘In my sorrow, I offer you my blade’._

There’s a sharp inhale as Sam seems to get the gist of what that implies and he goes still.

“That sounds like – “

_It is._

Neither of them speaks much after that and Gabriel finds himself lost in how strange his life has turned out. Sacred words from a forgotten brother, his human, or soon to be his human, wanting to at least tolerate him. Hope tries to rise and he wants to quash it, not let it flourish as letting that grow has brought him only pain.

When Lucifer returns and he touches that cold grace that whispers apologies and truths and things lost long ago he lets hope flare up just a tiny bit, just enough to see this new road before him.


End file.
